I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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