Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
