I just made out with a guy for $7.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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