i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
