I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
