I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
