Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
