i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
