just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
