I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
