Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
