I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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