I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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