I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
