At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
