omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
