Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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