I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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