Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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