I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
