I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
