oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
