:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
