I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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