Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
