Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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