I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
