they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
