I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
