listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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