Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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