We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
