walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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