But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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