Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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