white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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