I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize