do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
