I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
