so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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