I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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