Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
