Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
