I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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