You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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