I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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