I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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