You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
