I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
