Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
