Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
