she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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