Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
