you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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