Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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