I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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