he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
