Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
