im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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