I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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