So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
