PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
