My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
