Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
