y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
