I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
