i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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