What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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