I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
