Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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