He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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