I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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