I'm drive I can fine osifer
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
