Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
