just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
