I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
