Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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