either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
