I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
