so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
