he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
