I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
