Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
