If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
