You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize