her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
