it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
