Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
