I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
