People in love make me want to vomit
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
