btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
YAS. BRING CRAB.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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