I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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