My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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