For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
please don't ironically join a cult
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