so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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