the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just gift wrapped bread.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
