my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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