im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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