for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
