Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
