Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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