Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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