I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
