They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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