so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
