Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
