Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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