I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
