bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
