Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
