The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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