never play flip cup with pint glasses
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
