Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I will pee on everything he values.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
