Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
