you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
