none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
